I have been hanging out in a train shed looking at art -not a bad way to spend a day. I actually went to meet my lovely publisher as I have finished my six page preview and I took the first four hand bound copies (sewn on the train in green yarn) to give to him and the writer of the script I am drawing, Lawrence Rider.
The convention was guarded by three storm troopers and a baby, and it was sunny and great. The very first person I spoke to for any length of time was an incredibly nice man - Sydney Jordan who drew the classic science fiction - Jeff Hawke for the Daily Express in the sixties. Interestingly he had left his original job as an aeronautical engineer to become a cartoonist. He was very kind indeed and encouraging! I will read his work with interest as it is so tightly drafted it's as though his training as an engineer actually prepared him for communicating what was a new imaginative frontier, made real with men on the moon for the first time, it was no coincidence then that all of his strips were about astronauts and aliens. I caught up with the Comic Book Alliance posse, GM Jordan, Kalie Stanton my peer and a writer called Jasper Bark whose website speaks for itself. I saw Andrew Wildman who was selling his book Frontier with the writer Jason Cobley. I met an interesting artist whose portfolio is over at the Welsh El Doro. I stood and stared as Roger Langridge casually produced an incredible sketch, he resides at Hotel Fred. And Lastly I met Simon Bisley, who I think might have made me laugh quite a lot not least because of a small gun he was wielding. It was actually about 1cm long and he was quoting something about a colt 45. It was funny, I forget, he liked my preview, seems to know a lot about Vikings. That made me happy. It was a good day, I was a bit nervous showing my work for the first time but I needn't have been. I'll post it online tomorrow for you to see it too. photo via imdb Last night was our school reunion. It had been 20 years since I left at 13 and being in those halls again was a pretty strange feeling. I joined the school at eight, and swam in the stream of a thousand faces that would flood the corridors on the instigation of a regular hourly bell. It took only 60 seconds for my eyes to adjust to the lighting, (by that I mean hairstyles) and I can predictably report that no one has changed at all. In all of 98% of cases that is a good thing. The usual banter made it seem like we were all still in class with the teacher gone out of the room. That was the strangest part really, seeing the teachers for the kind and generous people they are rather than just the bringer of algebra and discipline. If they had all just gone for city jobs and the cash, we wouldn't be the people we are today. That school set me up academically for life, I put my going as far as I did squarely at their door and I have kept in touch with that group of friends through the years. It's all strangely reassuring. We were gently informed with some pride that Henry's is now ranked as the second best school in the country (no not county) and this does and doesn't surprise me. It was an extremely competitive and high achieving year group I was in as well, perhaps that is why I had to repeat myself a few times before the nature of my career change was understood as "not-stand up" but the people who know me were genuinely pleased. I was naturally outnumbered by doctors, lawyers and financiers but there were one or two actors and web design consultants too. I am proud that I went to Henry's it was and is a beautiful place, and a unique learning environment that means no aspiration was left beyond our grasp. The school's ancient corridors made the corridors of power that little bit less intimidating, so when I was regularly in the Foreign Office in Whitehall with my old job, I thought - yeah this just feels like school. I have to say though for all its history it is doing an impressive job of staying in touch with the future, just check THIS out for radical awesomeness. Everett's many worlds theory considers that at a quantum level and consequently at every turn, given we constitute quantum sized bundles of stuff that constantly fluctuates, the splitting of pathways between this outcome or that, does not mean one doesn't happen whilst the other does, it considers that both or all happen but in different worlds, forever separated by a turn in the road. I always think, where are all these worlds, how are they arranged? Are they like skins in an onion? How amazing would it be to see them all happening at once like looking into an ants' nest except every ant is a different pathway any one ant could have taken in one instant.
So when you think 'what will happen in five years?', you can safely say 'a lot' will happen in five years. And if you think that in a period of seven years your entire cellular structure over that period has renewed itself or been replaced, if that is more your tone, that actually you are not the same person you were seven years ago in any sense, then you might worry less about who you were then or what you might become and therefore what is happening just now. Imagine if you could see an army of you's wading through time in a line that spreads across all possibilities at every passing instant in the virtual zoopraxiscope of you's separating constantly into strangers from one another a sort of stop motion clone wars parody. It's a crowed vision. I am only thinking in terms of individuals but it would be going on everywhere all the time with everything. What a mess. Whether I got that guy's nose right in my latest drawing seems rather less important suddenly. But I digress. Five years ago, almost to the day I took this photo. I take a lot of photos of strangers. But when you are out there what difference does it make whether you think you know someone or not. This woman and her five year old son - I am guessing, seemed pretty dudey to me. I often think how strange it is that we're all living now but living such separate lives, worlds apart from other cultures tied by the flow of money, resources and the weather and yet in fact we all have the same needs. Everyone worries about the same things at different points, feels the same reactions to the same stimuli but still we can't predict each other's thoughts or actions. Care about the next man. Any of the paths at any point lead to a different you, a different world. I am not convinced Mr Everett. A lot of what this suggests is chaos, causality is weak, choices become meaningless. I wonder if its based on a very narrow, linear interpretation of time, the neat progression of one thing to the next, eliminating the opposite charge, the reverse spin, the occurrence or disappearance of one packet of information orr another, on a myriad paths; What about nature and the tightly logical and organised patterns we see everywhere around us, day after day it all works, keeps working with or without our acknowledgement, acceptance or awareness. Where are the parameters that keep it all so regular and beautiful in this world he imagines? Why aren't there four armed monsters driving buses with pigeon eyes and toadstools for feet? Why hello even numbers. How are you?
Very strangely for me I did not read a single novel all year last year. Any spare moment I read comics or graphic novels or about comics or I read twitter. So on New Years Eve I read a book. In one day, in two sittings. It was "The Sense of an Ending" by Julian Barnes. It was ok, quite good. Compelling but nothing new or spectacular. Nicely written, but then I don't read anything that isn't. I am ordering some Tshirts for my friends who requested their own after seeing one on a mutual friend who wears his often, and some will be printed with different pictures (though most with the Merlin logo!). You can put in a request if you are quick. Been sketching. Not sure whether its good to still share my rough doodlings, but then I used to so why shouldn't I now? I don't mind... I have this blog for precisely that purpose. But this last year has really been about learning and what is going on inside. I feel like so much has changed but I can't tell if it is apparent to those looking on. But it was ever thus. (I did write about the end of capitalism as the 20th century knew it and the need for governments to spend thousands per capita on renewable energy not least to undermine the need for future resource wars and how the world isn't ending it's just changing and how that is good, but it sounded too ranty and earnest a a a and we can't have that now can we?) Also in 2012 I am drawing a book for TIME BOMB COMICS and I have been working hard on it already. Which is quite exciting! And now as a new year greeting here is an illustration by a remarkable Simon Fowler Cataract-Operation.com an analogue artist based in London whose work I stumbled across as one stumbles across anything in this mysterious life we all live. This morning I wanted to practice drawing faces in different styles (for my next project), so I drew myself from a photo that I took as I sat there. I also wanted to draw a self portrait to use on this site and elsewhere, as I think its a good way to show that you would indeed use your own product (EHEM AND SO SHOULD YOU ONLY £9.99 at Woolworths). However it is very difficult to get this seemingly straightforward task right. Firstly the 3 minute sketch I did this morning was far better than the 90 minute sketch (don't judge me!) that I did in the same sitting later on - one that I worked on after 3 or 4 :coughawful: attempts. So I saw in effect what I already knew; that whilst practice is important over the years, in a single sitting frame of mind is far more important. You actually have to feel relaxed and almost blase. Working on the same "sketch" for 90 minutes is hard. It becomes hypnotic and addictive. Its hard to explain and I wonder - in fact I am sure other artists will know what I mean when I say it's easy to over work something. It's a temptation I probably give in to too often. That is the story with sketching. Now, for me at least, the same is not true of painting. It is still a fine balance and you have to know when to stop (most times I do not get it right) but at least I am learning. With painting it seems to help to start large and work down (or is it up) to the detail, like sculpting out of rock. Chip off the blocks and then chisel the features, finally sand the surface. The thing is, sometimes I lose sight of the overall effect and just get into perfecting it on a micro level. The challenge then is to keep the big picture in mind whilst making the details work for the larger picture. O man. It's hard work is what I am saying. It's the same as with writing or cooking or anything creative. I didn't think it wasn't, I am just reiterating that whilst it is fulfilling and entertaining and fascinating not to say downright awesome to be doing art everyday, it also takes a lot to get over the basic fear that you are just a bit wack. The fear gives you tunnel vision leads you to completely pummel a piece of work into the ground and all because you are actually procrastinating. What you are procrastinating over is usually between you and your next project. AHA. The truth. I am meant to be starting something new you see, and I am excited and nervous. This drawing exercise was a way of dealing with these DISTRACTING EMOTIONS whilst successfully not getting on with tackling the task and in doing so potentially discovering that maybe it isn't as "challenging" (read impossibly hard and out of my range of capabilities) as the mean little voices might say or as I had feared. In fact everyone seems to agree that challenging is good. I need a challenge it seems. No one wants to be a wack artist or a wack anything. It's all very difficult. Poor me. Living the dream. ;) PS because I am stubborn I cartoonised my sketch anyway despite it not really being a cartoon, as that was the reason (excuse) for spending all day drawing my stupid face. (Its weird I look like a robotic mutant of Jackie Onassis and believe me that is not what I would want to look like if I could choose which is weird because I could given that I am its creator). I am not sure I will use it on twitter or here or anywhere ever again, but there you go, you never know you just have to do these things anyway. The style thing is probably definitely helping toward my next project, the clues are these. I might be able to share a few things as I go along. Or I should start some things on the side to keep up the versatility, I was beginning to think I could only draw Death in Therapy style. I just wanted to prove myself wrong. Also I did paint my self portrait in oils a few years ago, maybe 2007? I can't find a photo of it right now. It's not an easy thing to do without getting all upside your head. Could just be me. I dunno. I am working on a new comic having wrapped up the one I was doing between July-September (which is still to be lettered). Both were written by my excellent friend and agent (!) GM Jordan of the Comic Book Alliance of GB. This is a very early taster as I'll be posting the pages here as I draw them. Any feedback is welcome as I go. So far I have been fleshing out the character designs but can't decide how much work in progress to share or whether to just come out with the first page complete. Hope you'll follow along once it kicks off towards the end of the month! Until then, I better get drawing...
Becs. "It did what all ads are supposed to do: create an anxiety relievable by purchase."
— David Foster Wallace (Infinite Jest) Offices seem like incredibly dull places, especially when young (O). However offices are in fact more akin to laboratories or theatre companies than previously realised. E.g (method x experimentation x previous results = current performance and participant audience experience) The level of intensity is directly correlated to the amount one chooses to care (I{c}). The level of human drama is pinned to ones current social sensitivity and depth of understanding of the (similarly couped) adults in place (HD{ss x du}). In this way echoing school or even a farm or zoo. The level of frustration (F) has to be partly tied to expectation and the gap (E {g}) between here and performance displayed (D) multiplied by the actual amount of technical nouse had for the substance of the 'work' being undertaken and thus ability to observe and appreciate the quality therein (P x TN). This would be to a factor of the wider social impact (or potential profit to be generated) S (or P). Profit is not necessarily remunerative and can take other forms. Lastly the factor of massive pervasive surreality (M) is solely determined by a straight combination of personal life experience preceding said office, quantity of sleep and or food recently taken on and measure of proprioceptive horror (ph) induced by office environment usually determined by factors such as florescent lighting, metallic plastic decor and slumped semi soporific or else mildly militaristic workers, notable levels of heat and sound generated by machinery, unquantifiable and indeterminate levels of unspecified malign thoughts that have collected in the poor and strained air conditioning not to mention the surprisingly diverse cultures of bacteria that are thriving in multiple and numerous often unexpected locations throughout the building. Or (O) (I{c}) (HD {ss x du}) (F (E {g}) (D x TN) S (or P)) (Mph) Study undertaken 2001-2010 by the Winkerbeen Appreciation Society (WAS) of Greater London with no permission kind or otherwise. Dictionary.com defines it as moderately cold; neither warm nor cold see also "Cool". Yeah. So whatever. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cool I am going to rant now, so leave if you don't like it. I just need to clarify that I (currently) have a job where cool is a completely alien concept, beyond the odd reference to it in describing the level of air temperature and the occasional malfunctioning air con in the building. I mean yes some people here are cool but the sense of cool as a state of being is pretty thin, on the ground. Round here. Punctuation is for suckers. So I went and got a better quality print of another picture someone wanted me to sell them ages ago. Just kept bugging my conscience that the one I had was not crisp enough! Clearly I am guilty of perfectionism (or is it procrastination?) when it comes to the thing I love most (might be something to do with fear but anyway). It was from a series of collages I did as New Years cards a couple of years ago. So whilst on the subject of commissioned art I felt to share some of my experiences that have led me to be at first naive then reticent and now determined in my approach to life art and remuneration. So what follows are some things I sometimes think about "finding the right balance between not-being-done-over and knowing your worth (whilst not pushing it too far)." A fine art in itself...
Now I understand why 2yr olds get frustrated. Baby steps are great but I want to run or at least walk without that classic drunken gait! What I mean is I know that 'gif' is not anything to write home about. And it's this that stops most people from ever learning to draw or paint or animate. They try and they don't like what they do and then they never try again. Well first you have to be realistic. I was not going to be a dysney or pixar applicant on my first go. But then I was and am chuffed to get photoshop to even vaguely do what I wanted it to, I have only had it a few weeks. I can pretty much make a pencil dance if I tell it to but a mouse? And progamming. It's all gibbledygoop to me. But as I say, baby steps.
All artists suffer from being able to imagine far beyond their skills, but it takes patience not to give up. When you take the pressure off it helps. After all I still have a day job. Though it's the day job that means I do not currently have time enough to practice as much as I want to. Catch 22. Ah but things change. Knowing where you are heading changes everything. Knowing in the sense of having made a positive decision, a commitment to yourself to try to get better at doing something you love. Knowing is half the battle (as someone I love often tells me) and being realistic means you know what to work on to improve. I want to learn to tell a story, to capture a mood, a physicality and most of all to convey some meaning. Convery a meaning that helps someone, even if it is just one person. I would love to be able to trigger someone else's imagination, and give someone the feeling I get when I see an amazing idea or image. The most recent animator that made me just smile all over was pointed out by a brilliant artist I follow online called Ward Jenkins (whose website link is in my 'About' page). MALCOM SUTHERLAND (makes me say yay! and Tweets can be friendly and useful) and watch La Fete if you haven't before its great! So if anyone wants to tell me my twitchy dude is naff, frankly barney I agree, and if anyone wants to offer advice and support on how to learn, with resources and inspiration then I will always be (and am) grateful. You know who you are. =) Is more like the UK than it is like China. I have friends from both and have visited both. Just saying.
Trouble with discerning options is it depends whether you are able to listen to yourself. That in turn requires that your self has something reliable to say. What happens when that is just not the case? You become a hotel I guess and not a home.
Fooled by randomness. Maybe I am lazy or maybe I just let my unthinking do my thinking for me. I find it very hard to define what I am doing in terms of my message (my USP), but then I also see that I feel very strongly about certain things. I can't define myself for you without having to perpetually redefine what I have said. So I prefer not to.
It has always been easier for me to speak in pictures, colours and forms. I would make mobiles and embroider paper or make models and sculptures or do anything [demonstrate] as a child rather than actually voice directly how I felt. I have come to realise that I am discovering myself as I go as much as I am discovering the world. I create, then I look back and see what was inside that had to come out. Prejudging seriously impedes this process. Sometimes I had an idea about what I was trying to say and then I see that underneath that, I was trying to say something else. Narrative is not linear. I think that is what I am trying to say. It is not fixed. It is mutable. For me. Been holding my breath. Didn't go blue. Now eating that air.
Recent recommendations mentioned by friends in conversation, that I have gathered in the back of my notebook: (still not drawing, fallow time) Denge Fever - Venus on Earth In the Court of the Crimson King - King Crimson Arthur Russel Ghost Written - David Mitchell and Shanteram - Gregory David Roberts "Great art emotionally moves people. It contains honesty in both conception and execution that comes from deep within. Before Alta Mira, through out time, the greatest art has been used to communicate man's most urgent messages. These messages are usually not clever, cynical or selfish but come from the deepest reaches of the soul."
Art 21: A Beggar Woman and A Homeless Woman (2000/2001) Cairo, Delhi, Lagos, and Mexico City9/12/2009
Kimsooja’s videos and installations blur the boundaries between aesthetics and transcendent experience through their use of repetitive actions, meditative practices, and serial forms. In many pieces, everyday actions—such as sewing or doing laundry—become two- and three-dimensional or performative activities. In videos that feature her in various personas (Needle Woman, Beggar Woman, Homeless Woman), she leads us to reflect on the human condition, offering open-ended perspectives through which she presents and questions reality.
Ghosts and visions, Masonic conspiracy and arcane architecture, painstaking historical research – Moore takes them all in his stride and makes it seem effortless.
Determined to expose the randomness; Its time for bed but I want to paint.
Should I be spontaneous and get free with making a mess (and go to work with suitcases beneath my otchkies, where yes I am a bureaucrat) or go rest and dream... What do you do-o-o? london concentrating mainly on successfully maneuvering about the city. engaged a kind of personal courier, very reliable one. know your way around the tube map, consider yourself savvy make use of an a to z. you stopped wearing certain items of clothing for no reason except your eye has been trained by a couple of million strangers. after three years you are no longer permanently exhausted
get to know people who have been here six years and think "wow... often scared of the dark and impressed by cobwebs and greenery. I love the shire and my hobbit roots. such is the despair of english towns these days. england is like a dying sun, and london is the still warm centre. or maybe the values or respect for the idea of britain we exported round the globe and then promptly forgot/lost/eroded are still alive repatriated/reimported love of difference or at least a sensitivity or confidence in embracing the other which is essentially the more-than-tolerance for other cultures - the understanding that humans share basic states regardless of background - that is the characteristic that perhaps once made us great. maybe i am being naif as i know for sure like all great empires - at its peak it was janus faced. i came to london without knowing why simply a massive place infinite possibility in anonymity, front door and see how london greets you. transitioned and wider and wider, at home in the world - familiar. strange fewer people and fewer immigrants english people seem sweet and foreign a migrant in the wider world. will help me. today i saw two blind men going for a walk together. my way - quite a while - that seemed to coincide and slight death
cabin fever delirium and self imposed. on the plus side optimistic outlook the day before. believe in learning groundhog day self improvement. truth nearly every one is trying something, to contradict deep down know chamelion long grass bend in the wind not up for debate. layers largely untouched unconditionally. they know who they are. i speak with them differently and i share my experience with them as honestly and yet as considerately as i can. as a courtesy, as my way of praising them. |
The ARTIST
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